i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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