I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
