I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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