I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
