I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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