Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
