I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
