if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
