I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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