Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
