I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
