yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
