last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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