Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
