well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
