I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
