i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
