i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
