He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My ass is underappreciated
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
