She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
