Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
