remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
