You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize