I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
