I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
