I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my poor anus
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
