come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
