i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
