I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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