This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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