I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
