I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
