He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
