so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
