How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
