I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need to calm my uterus...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
