what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
