took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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