so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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