so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
