oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
