Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
