we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
