I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
