I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize