we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
