Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
