I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
