im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize