he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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