On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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