so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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