ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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