roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
