Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
