does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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