Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
