Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
