Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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