I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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