I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
