i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
