Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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