She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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