Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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