So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize