You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The power of my boobs compel you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
