Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Found the puke drawer
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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