so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
